I step in to my new dorm room that would be my home for 4 weeks, my fear became a living dream that began to start.
I began a healing journey in therapy we will call it my ( wellness program)
I began this program after my recent attempt with suicide. I came in there with a broken heart and a deep cry for help as I had given up on God. Deep down I knew I had given up on him. I wanted to be help in anyway but not by him.
During my 4 week stay I would encounter pain from the past and a new me I would discover.
I learnt to be a child again and I learnt I could be me without judgment.
I had some news which started my 2nd week with a bang.
For 6 days I cried and wanted to give up on the program, I also felt like I was all alone and believe so.
The week was a hard week as the ones to follow would increase to be even harder.
During weekends I went home and on the 18th of February in my 2nd week we had a guest speaker at our church. Though out the service I felt my soul wanted to break down. I just couldn't. I remember sitting there and felt the need to run up and re commit my life to Jesus. I felt pride to do so I Also felt I would be judge. I have walked away from Jesus so many times I started to be ashame of it.
Perhaps walking away from Jesus was a good thing because it meant that I didn't stay away I kept trying find a way to cralw back in to his loving arms.
That night I re commit my life to Jesus, it was a night I would not forget. Starting my 3rd week in the wellness program I felt so fresh and so at peace.
Yet I had to face a friendship that was about to end. Again I felt alone.
I realize I had so many set backs during the program. People were struggling with my suicide and they were struggling with the fact I was there, it made me even more weak because I was the one who encouraged everyone yet I couldn't even encourage myself.
I lost people during the 4 weeks yet I gain so much more.
I created a new vision of myself a vision of fight and a vision with hope.
I made some friends and we learnt so much from each other, some days we play pool, other days we colour in, then you get those days where we had a very long day in sessions and we all make a cup of coffee and sit under the stars with a cat and make jokes.
Unity helped each of us to remain strong and have hope.
One of the points that really stood out for me is unity.
Without unity you can not get though life and that's why Jesus created us so we could be there for each other and encourage each other.
When someone struggles with mental illness they need unity but what the world does wrong is we push these people away and box them with labels yet all they long for is love.
The devil try his best to break me even more yet behind those huge walls and fence 90% of the staff at my ward was Christians, not only was I even more protected But Jesus was by me from day one. I try running from him yet he had a plan in place to catch me again.