Friday, 17 February 2017

They don"t Care

As I run for the train about to jump, cant even hold my breath, I feel a push and I jump on, everyone stares as if im crazy, I wonder if im crazy, as I stand half out the train door, thoughts and emotions race up and down, do anyone care? If I just jump would anyone miss me? Then again who would miss a special needs adult really? Say it like it is dear, they don’t care, and if I could tell someone how I felt, maybe ill feel better? Maybe if I could just speak and say im broken yet im doing so well in everyone eyes, I wonder how I do it? Am I even allow to wonder? Am I allow to feel this way? Sad and hopeless, could anyone love me? They don’t care, I am just rounding up tears for nothing, as the train about to stop I jump off and everyone shouting do you want to die? I wonder do I want to die, or I just want to be love and belong somewhere and now im face with all my pain of rejection but they don’t care, if I broke bones they wouldn’t care, if they got the call they wouldn’t care, just maybe running my thoughts out would just help, maybe if I ran out of breath the pain would stop, but they don’t care, the world treat as if there something wrong with me, and I wonder if there something wrong with me or if there something wrong with the world, am I even allow to feel this way? Maybe I can scream at everyone who mocks me, maybe I can scream at everyone who bullys me, maybe I can scream at everyone who hits me, oh dear Jesus I love to say that you don’t care but I know you do, but they don’t care, oh here comes cars the blue ones and they chasing after me, ready to kill me but I yell Jesus forgive them! They don’t care but as I run for something, a hope, a belonging, a search, I find it, but they don’t care

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