Sunday, 19 March 2017

The suicide note

If I had to write a suicide note and wanted the world to see it, it would go like this, with so much thoughts hitting me but most of all with no hope at all,  if I could say something it would go like this, stop bullying, its not pretty, it makes one feels hopeless unloved, be the one to love the unlovable. That includes mental ill people, stop treating them like crap because they are not crap, they are weak people who just need some help so be the help. Stop rejecting the ones who care and love you, just take a look at them and realize one day they wont be around. Stop mocking disability people, we all have some kind of disability  Stop lying and putting labels on to people stop making people give up so easy because they feel they cant do much. Stop saying you cant help  someone, the sky the limit anything possible, to the Christians who keep saying you not perfect but do the same thing over and over again remember you are pushing people away from Jesus and the hole mission is so people can know his love for them, no sin is higher then any other, we are all sinners and we all need the truth, and what is the truth? The truth is that we all need Jesus, and we need hope and if you are not the hope to someone they will give up, so this is what I have to say, the one who was label from birth, the one who always been rejected, the one who has lost hope, to the world, be an ear to the deaf, be an eye to the blind, be a hand to the handless, be a foot to the footless, be the hope they seek for, be the one to change the world, it takes one person to save a life be that person to save a life better yet be the one to love no matter what.

Friday, 10 March 2017

Demons vs Light

We so often have this rule that its not okay to not be okay but a lot of the time it is so okay to not be okay. Most of you do not know my story and one day I hope that I am able to share it to millions of people but right now I share parts of it. Today in my blog the title is called demons vs light. 
When I came in to this world I was label as mentally retarded, many things were said about me but it was at age 20 that I ran from my family hoping to know the real world, though out the years I have discover the real world but more of the real me. Though my childhood I was sent to special schools but I knew deep down I never belong there. I was angry and mad , yet I wasn't allow to feel this way, so I did my best keeping it in, often it would come out, and I would be called mad, but little did anyone know what was really happening. I was born in 1989 but I feel as if I was born in 2013 when I became a born again believer, I had always known about Jesus but never really knew him even up to last year I did not really know him, when I discover life I couldn't stop searching. The Christian world puts a label where we must be okay but honest it is normal for us to not be okay, even Jesus had his moments. 
I recently had to face some really tough and hard memories, as I am doing a course which brings up a lot , after this encounter I headed to a park and just had a screaming party, I was unleashing this demon inside of me, a demon of angry, of a child who could never just speak , I sat down and realize I was not alright and this was pretty okay, a few people walked pass me and looked freak out, the worse part was I had my Bible in my hands. The light and life, the very thing that hold me together, or did it really ? 
About a year or so ago I was in hospital for a suicide attempt and had my Bible with me , one of the sisters came up to me and told me I wasn't allow a bible and when I told her the doctor said it was fine and it help me she laughed and said oh and that's why you try to end your life?

I have been in and out of hospitals most of my life for a number of things but recently it had been for suicide attempts. I will never be a fan of hospitals since my encounter with the sister and many more horrible encounters but it got me thinking at how wrong she was but how very right she was, it wasn't about my Bible it was about my demons and light  knowing the light and knowing the one that gives me life, at the same time knowing who I am and who am I? the one that writes? The one that has face so many things but hey we all face things and we have a choice a major one the choice to fight the demons or to let the light fight it for you. The end for now! Say it like it is dear!