When I came in to this world I was label as mentally retarded, many things were said about me but it was at age 20 that I ran from my family hoping to know the real world, though out the years I have discover the real world but more of the real me. Though my childhood I was sent to special schools but I knew deep down I never belong there. I was angry and mad , yet I wasn't allow to feel this way, so I did my best keeping it in, often it would come out, and I would be called mad, but little did anyone know what was really happening. I was born in 1989 but I feel as if I was born in 2013 when I became a born again believer, I had always known about Jesus but never really knew him even up to last year I did not really know him, when I discover life I couldn't stop searching. The Christian world puts a label where we must be okay but honest it is normal for us to not be okay, even Jesus had his moments.
I recently had to face some really tough and hard memories, as I am doing a course which brings up a lot , after this encounter I headed to a park and just had a screaming party, I was unleashing this demon inside of me, a demon of angry, of a child who could never just speak , I sat down and realize I was not alright and this was pretty okay, a few people walked pass me and looked freak out, the worse part was I had my Bible in my hands. The light and life, the very thing that hold me together, or did it really ?
About a year or so ago I was in hospital for a suicide attempt and had my Bible with me , one of the sisters came up to me and told me I wasn't allow a bible and when I told her the doctor said it was fine and it help me she laughed and said oh and that's why you try to end your life?
I have been in and out of hospitals most of my life for a number of things but recently it had been for suicide attempts. I will never be a fan of hospitals since my encounter with the sister and many more horrible encounters but it got me thinking at how wrong she was but how very right she was, it wasn't about my Bible it was about my demons and light knowing the light and knowing the one that gives me life, at the same time knowing who I am and who am I? the one that writes? The one that has face so many things but hey we all face things and we have a choice a major one the choice to fight the demons or to let the light fight it for you. The end for now! Say it like it is dear!