Sunday, 19 March 2017

The blue car strikes again,

As I felt a touch on my left shoulder I knew that I would regret what I was going say, I try to say nothing but angry hit me like a lion about to kill his prey, and all the love I had for this person only went in to my box I hide inside of me, as I looked at her I didn’t see her as a sister but as someone who tore me apart and thought it was alright to do so, the very person who changed me had changed me yet again, as I stared right at her the words leave me  that’s what you do best hit me, I could feel her hurt but my pain was greater, if only I could just take it back, if only I could hug her and ask her to love me for who I am, beg her for none rejection, oh how everything was going change, a war is about to start for a life I could no longer fight for,as I sat there as she walked away most likely shock, I turn and saw everyone else belonging and I didn’t, I took a breath and try to count, what happen to the love I had for her? Was it gone forever and could it come back? Why was I so horrible towards the person who showed me Jesus when I needed it the most, at that I walked out and headed to the train tracks, if only anyone could know my pain, if anyone could just run after me but no one gave a hoot, as I sat by the steps and try to fight for my life, I got up and ran off to the park, shouting out to The Lord about how I felt, dear Jesus I love her but I hate her, I don’t want to hurt her, im sorry forgive me! I wish I could turn around run back and hug her and tell her I love her! If only it was that so easy, and all I ever wanted was family and here I am rejecting the very family that try to care in some way, or was she really? Why was she rejecting me and hurting me then showing me kindness? I am so confuse Lord! How can I love someone who rejects me so much! As I walked on with heaver tears my heart strike again and with no grace I fall so hard with no peace.

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