Monday, 29 May 2017

The church within (part one)

As long as I can remember I have search for the right church. I have visit many and many church’s. I have been planted in 2 and now my 3rd church.  It wasn’t an very easy choice to become a member of the 3rd church, I had some very hard challenges one of which I had people who gave up on me right in front of me, I knew that I could run like I did every time rejection hits me or I can face it, that too wasn’t easy at all. It still not easy but there been so much healing even dealing with the hurt I faced with the church’s I was at.
The one thing that I could not get over was the program I was on, not only was there so much hurt and broken promises, the church I am now a member of supports this place and that was very hard for me. I didn’t know how to deal with my hurt while facing it, at times ill just walk out of church, but I know that wasn’t the answer.
I came to a stage where everything I was doing was not working, this was the same time the church open the prayer room and I decided to go to the prayer room, I thought why not? This was an escape from my madness of thoughts and pain…so I thought but I realize even when I sat there saying nothing, something was happening,  I still was hurting and when I had to face the people that damage me I really just could not, I wanted to leave church and search again for the perfect church,  but the more I did some researching the more Jesus threw the word “church” at me, asking me what it really means?  My idea was it was a building fill with perfect family and with no rejection at all. Jesus of course laughs at this statement! In a point of my search Jesus told me there is nothing wrong with this “church” but with you.  Sometimes I really just do not want to hear him speak because it sure brings a lot of truth and hard truth.

Maybe jesus was right, maybe there was something wrong with me, but really its not like there something wrong with the church? Again Jesus laughed at me! I knew I had to began to stop looking for church but to look at what it really means. What did it really mean? My search lead me to a long walk in a township where I find myself among all kinds of people, some gangs, others homeless, then you get those mammas who asking “you whitey do you want to die? Get out of here! Smiling I come along some old church buildings but they are so broken and dead, the only thing living in them were homeless people or gangs , perhaps it wasn’t about the building… perhaps it was all about the people…perhaps… it was about….

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