Thursday, 25 May 2017

The robot iv become.

As I sat among the people who were there for me for the past few months, I watched how happy they were and how much they were laughing, I felt nothing, like something inside me was dead, as I sat there I felt the Lord ask me where was my passion? What happen to me? I had no words, nothing at all, I became a robot, doing things but never being them, it made no sense anymore to keep going to these groups when I wasn’t even living or dug more for something deeper, I find myself just being a robot,
taking orders from people and being told what I should be, but I wasn’t me at all  I wasn’t living, in fact I became like a blind robot walking along life, taking no note of it, where my passion? In the world of the dead with no joy at all?   I saw myself in the mirror, the mirror of the dead, maybe the dead world wouldn’t hurt as much as I feared, maybe it was better then this, then again perhaps I only felt this way because I became a Robot, full of steal where I felt nothing at all, I was numb, numb to food, numb to water, numb to the people who cared for me, but why was it I wasn’t numb for the people who gave up on me? Why did it hurt so much, like a fallen tree with no roots at all, it made no sense, the very thing that did was I had no passion and that was very much trouble, no passion simply means no life, but was it something worth fighting for?  Robots feel nothing in fact they have no souls, was I leading to that? I close my eyes, and find myself in the building of the green people who broke me and gave up on me, did their actions turn me in to this very thing? As I walked along the stairs I ran up and down for months with boxes in my hands, I saw myself dragging myself, as if I had nothing to give me a boost, I came to the door I enter, and it vanish, and I found myself standing in the office of the very people who tore me with their broken promises, it was as if I was program to feel this way and see these people over and over and there was no way of running from it, the one who drives the blue car, hits the remote and changes the channel into hailing weather and the one that drives the red car changes it to snow balls, and just like a flash of lighting I find myself in the memories of their broken promises and broken words, every session was nothing I was only a robot to them, and if they couldn’t change me in to what they wanted me to be it was to the dead world for me… as I try to walk out the door, I find my self freezing and stones being throwing at me, the very people who lead me to my brokenness were throwing them at the steer I became, I couldn’t move, I became bend and damage and just like that… I open my eyes and found myself back in the room I was sitting in, was there a way to change the remote perhaps I needed Jesus to change me all over again perhaps he needed to kill me in Oder to kill the robot iv become…

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