For almost 11 months I was in a huge raging storm .
I left my job and from that moment my hole world became dead. I faced many set backs and many broken promises from the people I loved so much. I faced many trips to the hospital because of an overdose of pills. I also began to self harm and it took over my life, I became more dead.
For the first 2 months of leaving my job I just slept. I remember the people I live with were very concern and try to get me to church but still I lay there and cried and cried.
My world indeed was dead and as I shared with many of my other post it really was a huge tough time for me.
There was times I just couldn't understand why I was suffering, I mean everyone around me told me Jesus loved me yet I was suffering so much, from child birth to now. How could this be?
After a few months in being in church my life began to take a different turn and I saw things different.
I did a 10 day course at church this year and it changed my life, it gave me hope and purpose. It taught me who I wanted to be and who I wanted to love. I will share more of this course in due time but for now I'll like to share this.
Even when I did these things in church I still wanted to die, I still saw no life and I began to give up. I wasn't fighting for me in fact I never fought for me, I only fought for people And what they wanted, i needed to fight to live again. When just the other day I realize that I couldn't change what happen where I was before , I couldn't change how people broke me, I couldn't change the fact that a guy hit me and had support from the one person who I looked up to, the very person who sat me down and told me I'm not special needs so many months ago, little did she know she would change my life in a huge way. I realize I needed to love and pray for her, I also realize I couldn't change one thing about my hole life. I can sit and cry over a place that has moved on and cry over of all the mistakes and things that happen to me or I can change my attitude.
So even when the storm is hailing, thundering and raining like crazy I have decided to to make a choice and that is to live in Jesus and in his will for my life and even when I want to die I know day by day he is with me helping fight my battle because he loves me and so I leave you with this...
I have decide to look forward because I can not change the past.
I have decided to look forward because I can not change what happen to me from the time I was born to now.
I have decided that I only got now and therefor I want to live and play like a child.
I have decided to let go of the people who have broken and hurt me because that's the best I can do for me.
I have decided to fight for me and to enjoy life but though Jesus Christ because he is the only one who will never leave or hurt me.
I have decided to let go of people who choose to not be in my life and to hold on to those who do.
I have decided to mix some apples in my moments and brace them with some jelly beans, I have decided to love Jesus with all my heart and to do what he has called me to do. To **live** in him.
All praise to the one who will never leave all forsaken us !