Just tonight someone from our church sends me this voice note telling me I should not run or avoid things and that God can heal me. But what IF God doesn't heal ? I am sick and tired of dam Christians only seeing all the nice happy things, I am fed up people telling me God wants to heal me! What if I don't want to be healed ? What if I just want to die and go to heaven and be in peace ? Again I ask you who the f would want to live this dam life ?!
Nobody gets it really , nobody understands the pain one carry's, all I have done is try and please people but I am dead because of these dam people who broke me and destroyed my life. They drive happy and forget me while I'm trying put myself together but yet I can't and in the end I die because of them.
Who cares when I'm gone ? Who gives a cows meat ? I have knocked on many doors for help and many doors have shut down and here I am unhappy , people don't hear me when I say it hurts because what I say doesn't matter. None of my pain matters. In fact I don't matter.