Sunday, 6 August 2017

The rights of those who are refused to be help

As I walked out of church , it was the first time I walked out with so much rage, I walk out those doors in tears and angry but never with so much rage like this, I pulled my fist together and wanted to punch someone, I wanted to explod, so what lead to this ? 

As you all know I write a lot about the program I was on, I try my best to not go to much detail as I also want to protect them but often I don't know why I want to do this since they keep throwing stones at me, 
Being there for 18months changed me but after being refused to be help I just went back to the person I was once Was. 

I'm not the first person they have refuse to help in fact during the months I was not there I spent a lot of time talking to people who was on the program and now even worse I discoved that I  am not the only one who is in pain but how could I help these people ? Why was I so angry when I heard that they didn't want to help them ?

A lady at our church was also on the program, I did my best to encourage her to stay there yet she too chose to leave and she too suffered as I did, I learnt today that she had to send her child to someone since she couldn't feed him. I was so angry and when she went to the program they refused to help her. I was super mad when she told me I had to really cool off before I spoke to anyone. During this time I thought about taking this matter further, surely we had rights. Surly we had a voice and surly we shouldn't be getting this treatment at all. I was right the law was on our side but I have to make the most difficult choice, to turn to the law and to lose people I love the most because of it or to some how find a way to excape this path and find a way where we all as people have rights and are protected but how could I do this ? 

I'm so tired of hearing people being refused of being help, I'm so angry that people can get hurt and turn back to their old way and bad habits. 
I had to end a friendship due to the program since this person was so hurt by them and I didn't want to hate them more because at the time I was dealing with my own pain they had caused me. I wanted to hold on to the good and to the things they did for me, because in every bad event there is good things but as time went by I became more forces on the bad because all I heard and saw was bad. 

I feel like the devil is really trying to pull me away from the church I am at because they support the program plus the therapist who really hurt me gos there, I strongly feel that what ever I do or say doesn't matter because I'm not heard. Maybe Jesus wants me to show grace and maybe he wants me to pray for them but I'm only left with so much rage that even when I'm struggling with hectic things I can't turn to them because I feel I will not be heard. 
Everyone has the right to be heard, everyone has the right to refuse help and everyone has a right to be help, everyone has a voice yet you get people trying to tie these people mouths together so they are not heard. 

I have a right to feel the way I do. I have a right to end my life. I have a right to feel trap and I do. I feel so trapped its un real. I have had to go without food and I have had to face being bully and attack and iv had to face rejection. Now I'm working and yet I'm going down hill because people are bully me and that makes me feel trapped and when I can't get help or to just simply *talk* about it I just fall in to bad habits and fall down all over again. 

Do I have the right to be on the ground and have someone lift me up and save me ?

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