Tuesday, 17 October 2017

God calls the broken

I look at the screen and my thoughts freeze like brain freeze but much colder and as I think about it I have become colder with no understand to any thing at this current moment... 
Moments what are they ? Why are they just moments? Why not forever ? Oh thank the Lord they not forever I mean... Some moment are just.... I don't know... I don't know what to write in this blog, perhaps I should encourage you to be strong while I feel none of that, perhaps I should make a joke , I'm good at that while sitting deep down is a little girl crying her self out ". 

Where do I begin ? What oh what do I write about ? Should I just say like it is dear ? Then again who cares what I got to say? And that's what I'm going write about. 
My words. The very words that have the power of life and death but what do I know hey ? 

I recently was left with a fall in my heart, like a water fall but this was a different one, where loads of different emotions were falling inside of it, I had a question for God. Why do I speak when nothing I ever said matter ? Why? when I say something I'm other not right to feel this way or I should be more like Christ like" I just didn't understand anything. Let's rewind.... 

So about a week back I was faced with some hash words at me, where there was disagreement of choices I made because I felt God tell me to do. 
When a few people were very against this new choice I made I fell on my knees asking God if I heard right, if it was him !  I told him I wasn't going do this anymore because I didn't want any "drama " and I wanted to listen but as I prayed and and searched for answers I felt the Lord ask me , who do you believe in ? are you going disobey me because of others? Having these questions at me I felt like I had lost my faith, like I wasn't a child of God at all. 
Then God went deeper and told me though a drawing that I had "lost " my heart for his people. I was angry at God because I really do love people but when he showed me his plans I fell on my face begging for forgiveness ! 

The choice I had to make ? Well... As you all know I'm a Christian I believe in Jesus and I love him. 
I recently had some really some hash things happening at work when I decided to do something which my fellow Christian peeps were against which was praying with Muslims. I didn't like this idea but I felt the Lord encourage me to which I did. After one day praying with them I felt like something changed. I didn't pray to their God. I simply prayed in the same room but to Jesus. After a lot of people were against it I stoped in fear. my words to God was this. Lord if you want me to do this then you will send someone to tell me to pray with them. I left it at that. 

Just almost a week after it when God told me I lost my heart for his people a day latter a lady came up to me and told me that one of the ladies I prayed with was a Christian and that she turn to a Muslim. 

I was filled with angry. Because I knew at that moment God wanted me to speak into her life. While I was praying with them I notice that the one lady sounded like a Christian but I didn't pay attention. Now it made sense. I allow everyone around me to disobey God and to walk away from him. I had to show love and compassion to the Muslims. Because among them lay a fellow back slider which was me awhile back. I know I'm not there to save her. I can't save her. Only Jesus can. 

So the thought I leave with you is are we going listen to people or to God ? I guess when I saw God plan with all of this I was like Jesus you can't Use me. I'm a nobody and I'm struggling in my own struggles how can I speak and lead people to you when I myself am in a dark tunnel. 

God didn't call the saved to help the broken. God called the broken to help the broken. 

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