the next day I didn't even go in to work as I was so ill, I took a walk to the shop and bought some pills and took some and went in to a deep sleep. My heart was broken, broken because I let Jesus down, my self and my boss's. I couldn't go on, I had all the reason to jump in front of the next train. This was the reason. I mean people were going talk and call me mad. I could never go back to work... As I awoke I felt the Lord encourage me to be strong. As I went back the next day I saw my morning go in a slow vision, step by step I walked and everyone was staring at me. Whisper's among each person I pass, it was like a movie... A horror one, all the blades were cutting me deep and very much... I fell in to more tears and again I broke down i couldn't pull myself together.. Maybe this was it... My life was ending... As I try to gain some control my working partner "N" began to speak about what happen and how she knew I would never do something like this. She began to tell me she loved me and that what happen was in the past and people were shocked when she stood up for me. I mean most of them told her to take me to the lawyer, and to make a case against me however she will not, she won't hold anything against me. As I heard this I cried some more. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I screamed at her, completely lost it yet she was willing to forgive me.
The hole factory has since then can not believe we joke as normal and talk as normal because they so quick to hold something against you.
As "n" and I ended our week she looked at me and said "cat" promise me you will talk to someone , I wanted to cry more... I reply: I will try. After the screaming event everyone asked her if she was alright yet nobody asked me if I was okay yet she knew I was not okay.
Out of this huge event I learned that I should forgive myself and love myself , I learn that I shouldn't hold something against someone but to forgive them there.